As per my spoiler-free policy which obviously everyone remembers but I have to say anyways, in order to ensure that there are no subconscious slips of the tongue or fingers, I am keeping this review spoiler free by means of not having read the book. I will admit to having read the acknowledgements and dedication, but they weren't to me so I didn't pay that much attention. I will also admit to having looked at the cover of the book, and also I lie somewhere on the spectrum between acquaintance and friend with the author. Much of this review will therefore be based on the cover, and assumptions I'm making based on other stories the writer has written -- including two webcomics that can be found West of Bathurst where It Never Rains.
Weave a Circle Round is, I presume, a novel combining the worlds of geometry and textiles, as the protagonist -- whoever they are -- attempts to get the gold medal/blue ribbon in a weaving competition by producing a perfectly circular rug. They are hampered in this by living in a house that floats upside-down above the ground, making it almost impossible to go shopping for the proper materials and also Amazon refuses to deliver to floating houses until their drone-delivery program is approved by the imaginary city the story takes place in. There are also time travel related shenanigans (as all good stories ought contain), probably where the main character looks in the future to see which rug wins and also goes back in time to get their sports almanac away from their father's childhood bully.
In a stunning twist, the main character will probably turn out to also be the antagonist, but without a clear indication of whether they are a past version of the antagonist or a future version, which means neither is able to truly harm the other without risking their own destruction. I won't spoil the ending I assume it has, but rest assured it involves a light sabre, a life saver, a semiquaver and a lost Quaker.
10/10
Monday, November 27, 2017
Thursday, June 22, 2017
My Review: Dungeon World
So if you like pretending to be an elf, or know someone who does, you've probably heard of the thing called "Roleplaying Games", or RGs as they're most frequently called by everyone. Now most people know about these from computer games, like Final Fantasy and Skyrim and Ultima and Neverwinter Nights and its cancelled sequel Alwayssummer Days. But shocking to some, this genre actually existed before you could play them by yourself the way games are meant to be played. The most well known of which is called Dungeons Or Dragons, so named because while you will frequently encounter dungeons and less frequently but more memorably encounter dragons you almost never encounter them both together because why would a giant flying dragon choose to live in an underground dungeon? A cave or lair or something with a nice open air access would be preferred. Dungeons are for goblins and orcs and zombies and liches.
But anyways as everyone knows D||D is the love-child of Tolkien and Tactical War Games that people used to play with actual armies until we decided to fight mainly with drones and missiles and the boards got too big to fit everyone in the same room, which is why those who play it are obsessed with tiny miniatures and how many squares they can move per turn, assuming each square is 5 feet square which if you think about it means that in D||D only one person can fit in an elevator at a time.
Dungeon World is still a child of Tolkien, but is just a step-sibling to D||D. Their mothers have met at parties and been cordial to each other, no doubt, but while one is obsessed with the tactical options available the other is far more relaxed and interested in the story. If you are obsessed with deciding if you should use a weapon that does d12 slashing damage or one that does 2d6 bludgeoning because you get an extra die of damage if you crit but you can reroll ones for damage and also the creature might be resistant to bludgeoning damage then Dungeon World is NOT your preferred choice. If you want your DM to insist you describe the exact motion you made while attacking the zombie minotaur ooze, whether you deked left, then right, or right, then left, then Dungeon World might be the game for you. If your wizard fumbled his spell and is about to be crushed by an ogre, if you want your DM to give you the option of taking the damage instead, then grab some dice and pull up a chair.
Plus you get XP whenever you fail at anything, which is something I fell in love with once I heard of it. 10/10
But anyways as everyone knows D||D is the love-child of Tolkien and Tactical War Games that people used to play with actual armies until we decided to fight mainly with drones and missiles and the boards got too big to fit everyone in the same room, which is why those who play it are obsessed with tiny miniatures and how many squares they can move per turn, assuming each square is 5 feet square which if you think about it means that in D||D only one person can fit in an elevator at a time.
Dungeon World is still a child of Tolkien, but is just a step-sibling to D||D. Their mothers have met at parties and been cordial to each other, no doubt, but while one is obsessed with the tactical options available the other is far more relaxed and interested in the story. If you are obsessed with deciding if you should use a weapon that does d12 slashing damage or one that does 2d6 bludgeoning because you get an extra die of damage if you crit but you can reroll ones for damage and also the creature might be resistant to bludgeoning damage then Dungeon World is NOT your preferred choice. If you want your DM to insist you describe the exact motion you made while attacking the zombie minotaur ooze, whether you deked left, then right, or right, then left, then Dungeon World might be the game for you. If your wizard fumbled his spell and is about to be crushed by an ogre, if you want your DM to give you the option of taking the damage instead, then grab some dice and pull up a chair.
Plus you get XP whenever you fail at anything, which is something I fell in love with once I heard of it. 10/10
My Review: Breath of the Wild
There has been a lot of call for me to review Breath of the Wild, by which I mean none whatsoever except a nagging feeling that I ought to be updating my review site, for the ones of people who care deeply about getting their reviews as Serious and Objective as possible.
So let me begin by giving the most disappointing piece of information: there are Gorons in this game.
No! Don't go away! It's okay! Sure, Gorons are the worst of all creation -- no one is arguing against that -- but you only spend a little time with them and part of that time is spent firing them out of cannons. I'm not saying that makes EVERYTHING better, but think of it as metaphor. You're REMOVING them from the CANNON except with just ONE N. The REMOVED N STANDS FOR NINTENDO.
I'm going to give you some blank lines to recover from your blown mind.
...
So the plot is that Ganon is back, only now he's a western Calamity Ganon, except he seems to be more of an evil ghost now, and there's hylian ruins everywhere because you apparently forgot to defeat him last time. Whoops! Anyway Link now has an iPod Touch that he uses to check in everywhere he goes, and everywhere he goes there are a bunch of shrines with ghost monks giving you their spirits, and you can pick up all the flowers in case you get hungry, and there's still more places to go and monks to outshrine and laser robots to be chased by.
So it's Zelda with a taste of Skyrim and those are two great tastes that go well together. 10/10.
So let me begin by giving the most disappointing piece of information: there are Gorons in this game.
No! Don't go away! It's okay! Sure, Gorons are the worst of all creation -- no one is arguing against that -- but you only spend a little time with them and part of that time is spent firing them out of cannons. I'm not saying that makes EVERYTHING better, but think of it as metaphor. You're REMOVING them from the CANNON except with just ONE N. The REMOVED N STANDS FOR NINTENDO.
I'm going to give you some blank lines to recover from your blown mind.
...
So the plot is that Ganon is back, only now he's a western Calamity Ganon, except he seems to be more of an evil ghost now, and there's hylian ruins everywhere because you apparently forgot to defeat him last time. Whoops! Anyway Link now has an iPod Touch that he uses to check in everywhere he goes, and everywhere he goes there are a bunch of shrines with ghost monks giving you their spirits, and you can pick up all the flowers in case you get hungry, and there's still more places to go and monks to outshrine and laser robots to be chased by.
So it's Zelda with a taste of Skyrim and those are two great tastes that go well together. 10/10.
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