Again the discourse has waxed and waned and I'm back providing the most Serious, Objective and Review reviews. This time the game is Returnal, which shares a major flaw with most games, which is that the developers have not paid me any money to review their game. Thankfully, this makes it easier to follow through with my Spoiler Free policy, which is to say, I have not played the game nor watched it played. I did see a trailer at some point, I think, and also I read someone else's reviews, but then I looked at the price tag (large) and at the stack of games I want to play but haven't (larger) and my stack of free time (tiny) and decided that it was not good enough for me.
This is the tragedy of loving 100 hour long games.
So, Returnal is a game about someone who doesn't enjoy being shot, a highly relatable trait that makes me entirely believe in the protagonist, as I also do not enjoy being shot. Unlike me, but like a vast many other game protagonists, the character gets a do-over whenever they get shot. Well. I say unlike me, but I have not been shot so perhaps I would enjoy it? And also I fully intend to yell "DO-OVER" while I'm dying in the hopes that that will give me another play through of life. So perhaps Returnal is based on my life? Yes, that sounds right.
So in this game about a serious objective reviewer who takes exceedingly long lunch breaks (I think this last one was 2.5 years?), you get shot at a lot, because it's a bullet hell game; and you have to start over again on a random map, because it's a roguelike; and some stuff you do carries over, because it's a roguelite; and it loads really fast if you're playing it on an SSD, which is ... how SSDs work? It's allegedly pretty and allegedly creepy and I would love to play a demo of it or some such, because I'm not spending that many dollars on a game that I don't have time to master.
However, did I mention how pretty it is? 10/10.
No comments:
Post a Comment